And then George Foreman can Take on Steven Hawking

I go back and forth on this one. As you might have heard, recently two
Texas girls' basketball teams played to a score of 100 to 0. That
score obviously represents a butt-kicking of almost mythic proportions
and an apology ensued. The coach on the winning team was fired.

My first, immediate reaction was that Coventry had run up the score.
Later, however, I started to think. Who scheduled this game?

Obviously, the winning team was much better. It could not have been a secret. The athletic director of the losing school had to have seen a loss coming. I have seen a few basketball blow outs. During the 1992 Olympics, the Dream Team was the first American Olympic team using pros. They slaughtered the other teams. It was a wonder to behold. It was the Olympics. That was what they were there for. They beat one team by 79 points. (That game was every bit as close as the score would tend to indicate.)


The Bulls once beat the the Jazz by 42 points in a finals game. The Jazz complained the Bulls were running the score up and taking three pointers and playing hard defense. No ofense, but they had their last five players on the floor and had been litening all week to people talking about how the jazz bench was better, and they had the last quarter of the game to play those guys at hoops. John Stockton was asked after the game how he felt about Stacy King making a three point shot in that game. His response? "If you don't want them to take three pointers, guard them."

On the other hand, those were pro players taking on players of similar calber. The international Olympic Committee had been pressuring America to end pros for years. They thought it would improve the international level of competition. And it did. Some of the best NBA players are international stars.

A high school game is slightly different. These kids aren't trying to improve. There is obviously no slaughter rule, but the fact that slaughter rules do exist says to me that our concept of sportsmanship -- as a society -- does not include winning a high school girls basketball game by 100 points. On the other hand, someone at the losing school decided to schedule the other team.

Maybe Suge Knight will Go after Microsoft

So, I made the mistake of ignoring the warning and watching the ad this page references. I have to admit, the Microsoft Songsmith renditions defeated me. I could not make it through more than 30 seconds of Roxanne, and that was my andurance record. Microsoft Songsmith reminds me of the old 101 Strings Orchestra, except those guys ruined the actual music of professional artists. Microsoft Songsmith, designed in Hell to drive sane men mad.

Maybe It's Okay If You Wear Jeans

So, here's an awkward etiquette question. Suppose you go to a strip club with some friends. Suppose this is not a local strip club, but somewhat far afield. Further suppose that you did not really want to go but were essentially dragged there. Oncethere, however, well, you're single and straight, so what the hell? So you are at the stage watching some skinny 22-year old with implants ride a pole, and thinking "You know, she'd snap in half if I tried to do anything more aggressive than give her a polite hug." And then, suppse, you recognized one of the dancers from somewhere else? What's the rule on this? You can't really pay her for a lap dance. You can't tip someone else, and not her. You can't ask her "Hey, is that you?" When you see her in real life, do you just ignore it? Do you say, nice abs, what is your workout routine? What's the solution?

This is Why Vampires can Only Own Baseball Teams

The maple bat controversy has apparently reach something of a climax. This past baseball season we were treating to the spectre of the maple bat. The maple bat is a fiendish devise designed to shatter with the force of three claymore mines, delivering blunt and edged weapon attacks and killing all in its path. Which is to say, I like the hickory and birch kind better.

I have to say, I am in something of a quandary. On the one hand I do not think there is any question that the current state of affairs is, in fact, dangerous. Additionally, some of the steps Major League Baseball is taking (increased insurance, manufacturing guidelines) seem reasonable. On the other hand, this is Major League Baseball. By definition anything they think is a good idea, no matter how reasonable it might seem, is probably touched by the stench of brimstone. I'd rather not see anyone take a bat shard in the chest. Well, okay, that's not true. In fact, I have a list. (In other news, future Hall of Famer Jeff Kent is apparently about to retire.) However, I would rather not see random people injured.

I am just not certain that MLB is the most qualified organization to prevent these potential injuries.

The Grand Dragon Probably has a 401(k)

I used to say earlier in 2008 that this country was too racist to elect a black man president. I still believe that. However, this is how incompetent, stupid and just plain bad at being President George Bush is. He forced Americans to make a rational choice. Everyone has money in the stock market. The Republicans are rich because they have money in stock. The workers have their retirement in stocks. Hilary and Mccain looked like the same sort of establishment politicians we've had before. People were forced to do something they have never done before. They actually had to look at the ideas and abilities of the people running for president. McCain was an anger-crazed loony. Hilary was a professional house wife. (That's what First Lady is, right?) I actually think Hilary might have made a decent president, but there is no question in my mind that Obama is more qualified.

Dr. King had a dream that his children would be judged not by the color of their skin but the content of their character. Tomorrow we swear in the first minority president, and he was elected for no other reason than most people thought he would be better at the job. In fact, their seems to be an irrational exuberance almost along the lines of Miracle Monday in the Elliot S! Maggin Superman novel. I hope that Obama can help, but I'll say this. He can't be worse than that babbling gork and the gang of fools we've had the last eight years.

The Problems of Modern Sport

The NFL does not use professional refs. Think about that for a second. The NBA has some of the worst officials in the world and they are full time pros. Baseball umpires are actually incredibly good and they are full time pros. Ed Hochuli is a lawyer. Mike Carey is an inventor. Chad Brown works for a university as an administrator. Mark Hittner owns a financial company.

Now, these are some of the best that the NFL has to offer, but instead of spending the off time reviewing tape and understanding the rules they have day jobs, so today the Eagles lose the NFC Champiosnhip at least in part because the morons calling the game do not know pass interence when they see it. And Ed Hochuli admitted that he screwed the Chargers a couple weeks ago. They are not, owever, incompetents, because the NFL cannot reaonably expect anyone to be any better than this at calling their games when it is just a moonlighting gig. Think about how much money the NFL generates. They could pay their officials quite a bit of money. Instead, they let them moonlight. In fact, the NFL is the moonlighting. I do not know that full time officials would improve the game. But I think it is worth a hot.

The other things that has been bothering me is the isue of performance enhancing drugs and the Hall of Fame. Mark McGwire has not been drawing any support from the Hall of Fame voter and I do not care, in principle. I was never a fan and I do not give a rat's ass about Mark McGwire, but soon Raphael Palmeiro will be on the ballot. Do not care about him either. Roger Clemens? I actually do not like him, so I hope he doesn't get voted in. Barry Bonds? Total scumbag. Sammy Sosa? Actually pretty admirable in the late-1990's, but reviled now.

Here's the thing, though. We can all scream in indignation about the cream and the clear and the hore steroids and watever, but come on. We all knew did we not, that Barry Bonds was using steroids? His head changed size. His head changed size. And even if we did not, Major league Baseball either knew or was willfully ignorant. They refused to have a reasonable drug policy untl forced, and now major league baseball expects the fans and BBWAA to clean up after them. Well, you know what? Tough.

Frank Thomas, Greg Maddox, Fred McGriff. Do I know they were not using steroids? No. But why do I not know? Because Major League Baseball owners are the greatest bunch of unhanged scoundrels on the planet. I am sorry, but I do not see a good reason for us to serve as an angry mob on behalf the purity of the same Hall of Fame which has Charles Comiskey, Cap Anson and Ty Cobb. SO while I do not have a stake in any of the players who seem likely to be affected, I do not like the idea that I am expected to feel outraged at a betrayal that MLB knew about or should have known about and still allowed. (My favorite players from the steroid era were Tom Glavine, Frank Thomas, Fred McGriff, and Curt chilling. It's not like there are no qualified players without the obviou taint of drugs from Jim Thome to Trevor Hoffman to Marino Rivera to Randy Johnson)

The Worst of Both Worlds...

I had been complaining to anyone who would listen that the Senate should just seat Roland Burris for three reasons. One, not doing so gave Blogo too much power. Two, the Dems needed to get another vote in there to try to do omething and he gave them one more vote. And finally that confirming him would at leas thut people up about Roland Burris and I wouldn't have to listen to it anymore.

Well, he was seated today, and they are still talking about him.. o intead I will discuss the Hall of Fame voting from earlier this week.

Rickey Henderson and Jim Rice were the two inductees. Both of them are fine choices, in my opinion. Rickey is kind of a jerk, but he' also one of those obviou, no-brainer decisions that makes the BBWAA look bad because he did not go in unanimously. Let me say that anyone who did not vote for Rickey Henderson, career leader in runs scored, steals, etc. should have his vote taken away.

Jim Rice is another matter. His problem is two fold. He did not age well. He aged quickly. Additionally, his stats are discounted because he played in Fenway. My reaction to this is that a lot of other players played in Fenway, and not all of them had 400 total bases in a season. Jim Rice has a problem in that he was not able to stick around and pile on the career totals like 500 home runs and 3,000 hits that usually define a Hall of Famer. On the other hand, he had a lot of big seaons. He had MVP votes in half his seasons. He was a terrific power threat. And, by Jeffrey, he was famous. I'm glad he made it, though, because he was a terrific ballplayer, and now we do not have to listen to a bunch of Bosox fan whine about how he hasn't been let in.

The two guys I was disappointed did not make it this year were Blyleven and Lee Smith. They'll get in eventually.