Dear Sir or Madam Would You Read my Book

Books I wish I could unread:

1. Anything by Jane Austen. Lacking even a single vagina, these books were a complete waste of my time. The insistence of English teacher in assigning these books is child abuse.

2. Any book written by the instructor of the course. Dude, you are standing in the same goddam room as me. If there's something you want me to know about the subject, tell me yourself, don't make me spend 60 dollars on your book. If you feel you have to assign a text, pick one by someone else. Hell, pick one by someone you disagree with and tell me why. What're ya, yella?

3. The Third Wave by Alvin Toffler. Assigned to me senior year in high school. Complete waste of time and a justification for book burning.

4. Any Star Trek novel by Marshak and Culbreath. I would try to describe how bad these books are, but I would never have believed it myself had someone tried to tell me, so what's the point?


5. Remembrance of Things Past by Marcel Proust. A 7 volume autobiography novel about a man who did absolutely nothing. Ever. As Stephen Fry has said about someone else "He was a French writer making a point, and therefore a git."

6. Dracula. Just so godawful dull.

7. Ayn Rand. Not a justification for book burning so much as a justification for the invention of time travel to prevent to the invention of movable type. If you had to carve everything in granite with a pin, we wouldn't have had to wait several long novels for Rand to give us _For the New intellectual_ and tell us how great it is to be selfish.

8. Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons. I still like it. I just wish I could read it for the first time at 40 instead of 17 or 18. Just curious.

9. Lolita. Yeah, yeah. It's a great novel of the 20th century. I think Catch-22 was better, but Lolita keeps beating it out in the pools, so I want it erased.

10.Without You: The History of Badfinger. Oh. My. Dear. Lord. This is the most godawful depressing book I have ever read. Interesting book about how the rock group Badfinger was destroyed by the record industry.

The Big Lend Theory

Apparently the writers of "The Bog Bang theory" reached the conclusion that Sheldon was just too much of a dick to hang out with at the same time I did. Last week they revealed that he will just lend people a couple grand without caring when he gets paid back at no interest. That explains why people would hang out with him.

Well, at Least It Didn't Stay in the Air Indefinitely

Gen. David Petraeus made the coin flip at the Superbowl. I called my buddy Doug who said he was kind of offended. My opinion is that anything that keeps him out actual military operations is a good thing. Maybe we can get him to go around to various sporting events. On the other hand, the Superbowl is a kind of a conflict. Having Petraeus involved might make this Superbowl a giant clusterfuck.

In other news, I finally realized what was odd to me about Hellboy II: The Golden Army: Ron Perlman is doing a straight up Lee Marvin impression. The voice. The mannerims. Everything. Check it out. It's surreal. I am of two minds, actually. I like Lee Marvin but I'm not sure he would have been the best choice for Hellboy. However, it's not Lee marvin. It's Perlman making an acting choice. I was okay with it. On the other hand, it was distracting all get out, if only because it took me awhile to figure out why it sounded so familiar.